WARNING: Not For the Faint-Hearted!
It was my birthday in 2007 and I had a very small group of friends out to celebrate. That day, I made a new friend named Frank (not his real name) who I mentioned to that it was my birthday. He then told me that his best friend's birthday was also that day and that they were planning a small party the following day. He wanted me to come along as a surprise to his friend. I promptly agreed and I invited an acquaintance of mine, Tola (not her real name) along.
We arrived at the celebrant’s and were met at the gate by the celebrant himself. I remember the gate of the house opening and being greeted by the sight of a very tall, light-skinned, thirty something year old man, clad in nothing but a pair of wet boxers. Now we all know that wet clothes tend to stick to the body and emphasize those curves and bulges that are better left hidden. *clearing my throat* .I stole a glance at Tola but all I could see was a sincere smile on her face, directed at our host. Clearly, the sight of this almost naked man was not as disturbing to her as it was to me. Just then I heard a nice baritone voice.
“Hi ladies my name is Steve”. He held out his hand to each of us and we took turns introducing ourselves and shaking hands with him.
He continued “Thanks for coming. There’s a pool party going on now so you guys haven’t missed out on all the fun, despite your lateness.” He said this in a very friendly tone.
Ooookkkk. So he just came straight from the swimming pool to let us in. That explains his wet boxers, I thought to myself relieved. We followed him to the pool side where we met a small party of about 15 people, many of whom were in the pool. Just as we were taking our seats, Frank walked over to us and struck up a casual banter with Tola and I. A couple of minutes later, everyone started heading for the house almost at once and Frank excused himself to attend to something. Tola and I joined the party moving towards the main house. I remember stepping into the living room and admiring how tastefully furnished it was, complete with wooden carvings that spoke of the queer but stylish taste of the owner. A glance at some framed Photographs of Steve dressed in the legal garb, showed that he was a lawyer. I was impressed.
As we took our seats, Steve walked over and offered to grill us some chicken as they had run out of food. Interesting. Here is a good looking, rich, lawyer who could grill chicken! Even I didn’t know how to grill chicken. We both accepted his offer and he asked us to join him in the kitchen and watch him as he whipped up a nice meal for us. At this time, the other guests were headed for the guest changing rooms to remove their wet clothes; but not Steve. He headed straight for the kitchen in the same wet boxers he’d had on the whole time.
While in the kitchen, Steve told us about his domestic nature and how he often got teased because of this. I also inferred from the conversation that Steve was a nice, open and unassuming person. When the meal was ready, Tola and I tucked into it at the dining area while Steve settled in on one of the love seats in the living room, still in sight of Tola and I so we could continue our gist.
I however noticed that Steve was extremely careless in the way he sat and at some point, I could’ve sworn I caught sight of something gaping out of one corner of his boxers. But I quickly reprimanded myself, reasoning that if there was truly any “evil” to see, Tola would also have been treated to the sight. Steve excused himself a few minutes, leaving Tola and I to ourselves for a while. Suddenly we heard a loud scream coming from the direction of the dressing room and one of the ladies ran out to the living room.
“Can you imagine what Steve just did?! He came into the room stark naked, saying that he felt like being in his ‘birthday suit’.” She had an expression of utter bewilderment on her face.
When I heard this, I looked around at everyone in the living room but from the expression on everyone’s face, they might as well not have heard what this screaming girl had just said. I immediately concluded that the babe must have been playing a prank and perhaps trying to gain some attention. Just then, Tola’s phone rang and she had to excuse herself to go answer the call, leaving me on my own for a while. As if on cue, Steve came back to the living room and sat with me while the other guests moved to the balcony to continue the party.
“I hope you enjoyed your meal”. He asked.
“Yes it was really nice. I should take some cooking lessons from you soon”. I smiled at him.
“That would be my absolute pleasure. You know what, I enjoy talking to you so much and I would really like us to be good friends. But the problem I often have is that a lot of people judge me because of who I am and I end up losing potential friends. I hope you won’t be one of them”. He had this intensely sincere look on his face.
“Of course I’d be happy to be your friend. Why do you think I would judge you?” I replied, wondering what exactly he was talking about.
“Does that mean you won’t judge me even if I told you something queer about myself?”
I then said to him with as much honesty as I could muster “I’m not in the habit of judging people based on who they are. I decide who my friends are based on their attitudes and behaviour towards me”.
I could see the relief on his face when I said this. He looked straight into my eyes and said “In that case, you won’t mind the fact that I’m a nudist?”
The first thing that went through my mind was “what’s that”?? The second thing was “this must be a big deal for this guy to think I would judge him based on that”. But he was still looking at me and expecting a response from me so I said the first thing that came to my mind. “Absolutely not!”
“I knew you wouldn’t mind! Now I can talk to you in a way that I can’t talk to many people. I always knew there was something about you”. The mega watt smile he bestowed on me was enough to melt even the coldest heart. How could I turn that smile upside down?
Of course at this time I didn’t know what being a nudist really meant but my primary concern was to put Steve at ease as much as possible because I could tell that he was a genuine sweetheart. Yeah I can be sweet like that sometimes. *angel face*.
From then on he proceeded to tell me how he was a member of a nudist club and he used to visit nudist beaches and had fellow nudist friends in the UK. He felt lonely here in Nigeria as the society was not as accepting of nudism as it was in the UK where he just relocated from. He also mentioned how he was very good with massages and that he normally gave some of his female friends full body massages without feeling anything, so much so that he was often the butt of the jokes amongst his friends who couldn’t understand how he could pull it off. He mentioned how he liked to walk around the house and do his chores naked as well as host nude dinners with some his nudist friends. He said he felt most comfortable naked and that he really couldn’t understand why people preferred to wear clothes rather than remain in their birthday suits. As if all this wasn’t too much information for my head to wrap around, he told me that in fact he felt like taking off his boxers at that moment, especially because I had expressed so much acceptance of him.
“Yikes!” I thought to myself. This was going much further than I thought o. In fact I began to understand why people freaked out whenever he told them about himself. I mean this was absolutely weird, and that’s even putting it mildly. But here I was, committed to being accepting of this guy who had staked his credibility for openness with me, and I wasn’t about to make him regret that. And yeah, then I still had this curiously adventurous side to me which is now almost non-existent anyway. So I told him to make himself comfortable. In a matter of seconds, he stood before me in the cloth-less vulnerability only your spouse, your parents and a few others should ever see you in. A part of me actually felt like I was dreaming. I averted my gaze but he would have none of it.
“Why aren’t you looking at me? Is my body repulsing you?” He asked in that sincere tone that was becoming all too familiar. Now everyone that knows me understand that I tend to fall for such cheap blackmails easily. I instantly willed myself to look at him, reassuring him that he was not in any way repulsive.
“So tell me, am I big, small or medium” he asked innocently.
Is this guy going to cut me some slack at all??? I mean, the situation was already super awkward. I didn’t need the extra burden of sharing my opinion on his manhood! Besides, what difference would my opinion make anyway? And for crying out loud, which guy stands naked in front of a woman he has only known for a couple of hours, asking for an assessment?! “You’re just ok” I replied, hiding my discomfiture.
Just then, Tola walked in and stopped dead in her tracks at the scene that greeted her. I looked at her and knew she was about to exclaim in shock or worse still, disgust. I quickly said the first thing that came to mind, because strange as this may sound, I genuinely did not want Steve’s feelings to be hurt.
“Hey Tola, Steve here was just asking my opinion on something and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind yours as well”. I threw her a cautioning look that told her I would explain everything to her soon.
“Oh really? Ok let’s see”. Tola replied. She had obviously gathered her composure and had improvised quickly. That’s one thing I’ve always admired about her. She moved closer to sit beside me. “Well, you’re quite big” she said in such a patronising tone that I almost laughed loud.
“Thank you” Steve said, obviously pleased. “You know what, there’s this trick I’d like to show you guys. I can make my manhood erect without touching it just by pumping blood into it. Would you guys like to see that?”
Goodness mia!!! Even typing this right now, I am embarrassed. I was about to tell him not to worry when Tola jumped in. “You can? Ok let’s see you do so”.
“Alright, watch me”. Steve was obviously getting really excited. I couldn’t help wondering just how many times he had tried to express himself in this way to people but had been shut down. He was like a caged bird that was having its first taste of freedom and wanted to go the entire nine yards in one day.
In a couple of seconds, I kid you not, Steve Jr. was standing majestically. Yeah, gross right? Imagine how I felt watching live that day. It took every shred of self control not to burst out laughing then tell him just how disgusted I felt.
“Now I am going to make it go down by itself” Steve said.
At this point, I didn’t think it could get any worse than it already had. Now all of this was happening in a house full of people o. There were people in the guest room, some others were outside but by some interesting twist of fate, no one but Tola, Steve and I were in the living room throughout this 5 minutes or so that Steve was naked. After Steve showed us his “tricks” he seemed contented enough to get dressed again. He then sat with us again and resumed conversation as though nothing had happened.
After talking for a while, he reiterated how he felt a strong connection towards me and hoped that he hadn’t ruined his chances at friendship and maybe something deeper with me. All I could think was “are you joking??? If you think I’d take you seriously after this, then you must be delusional”. I’m sorry, but I just don’t let people that I don’t understand into my space. Of course I didn’t say any of that to him. “No don’t worry, it’s fine”. I replied. And I meant it, as long as he wasn’t trying to be anything more than friends with me.
I could tell he was really glad because next he was inviting me over for a nude dinner. The dinner would basically consist of my coming over and then we’d cook, eat a candle-lit dinner, then give me a full body massage all the while naked!
I told him it was ok that we could work something out. We left his house shortly after and you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to guess correctly that that was the last time I ever saw him. Of course he would call me on phone and we would talk, but that was as far as it ever went until about two years ago when I lost his number. Every once in a while I still wonder about him and what he’s been up to. One thing I still marvel at though is the fact that Frank, who is Steve best friend, is also a lawyer, but not a nudist (at least to the best of my knowledge). That day at that party, I met professionals from different works of life, who were doing well but were obviously friends with Steve, a nudist. Such acceptance...
Funnily enough, I googled nudism (or naturism, as it’s popularly known) for the first time since that night only a few days back and the things I found out about the practice confirmed all he told me that night. You should check it out too.
As for me, all I can say is that strange things are happening but we’re probably too cocooned in our normal lives to realise the extent of abnormalities out there. I know someone will read this one day and almost chew my head off for being so arrogant for placing nudism in the realm of abnormal. Well, if you do not think it's abnormal, I’d be glad to hear you out o. And if you agree with me, let me know your thoughts. Perhaps I'm not the only person that has related with a nudist before...
It was my birthday in 2007 and I had a very small group of friends out to celebrate. That day, I made a new friend named Frank (not his real name) who I mentioned to that it was my birthday. He then told me that his best friend's birthday was also that day and that they were planning a small party the following day. He wanted me to come along as a surprise to his friend. I promptly agreed and I invited an acquaintance of mine, Tola (not her real name) along.
We arrived at the celebrant’s and were met at the gate by the celebrant himself. I remember the gate of the house opening and being greeted by the sight of a very tall, light-skinned, thirty something year old man, clad in nothing but a pair of wet boxers. Now we all know that wet clothes tend to stick to the body and emphasize those curves and bulges that are better left hidden. *clearing my throat* .I stole a glance at Tola but all I could see was a sincere smile on her face, directed at our host. Clearly, the sight of this almost naked man was not as disturbing to her as it was to me. Just then I heard a nice baritone voice.
“Hi ladies my name is Steve”. He held out his hand to each of us and we took turns introducing ourselves and shaking hands with him.
He continued “Thanks for coming. There’s a pool party going on now so you guys haven’t missed out on all the fun, despite your lateness.” He said this in a very friendly tone.
Ooookkkk. So he just came straight from the swimming pool to let us in. That explains his wet boxers, I thought to myself relieved. We followed him to the pool side where we met a small party of about 15 people, many of whom were in the pool. Just as we were taking our seats, Frank walked over to us and struck up a casual banter with Tola and I. A couple of minutes later, everyone started heading for the house almost at once and Frank excused himself to attend to something. Tola and I joined the party moving towards the main house. I remember stepping into the living room and admiring how tastefully furnished it was, complete with wooden carvings that spoke of the queer but stylish taste of the owner. A glance at some framed Photographs of Steve dressed in the legal garb, showed that he was a lawyer. I was impressed.
As we took our seats, Steve walked over and offered to grill us some chicken as they had run out of food. Interesting. Here is a good looking, rich, lawyer who could grill chicken! Even I didn’t know how to grill chicken. We both accepted his offer and he asked us to join him in the kitchen and watch him as he whipped up a nice meal for us. At this time, the other guests were headed for the guest changing rooms to remove their wet clothes; but not Steve. He headed straight for the kitchen in the same wet boxers he’d had on the whole time.
While in the kitchen, Steve told us about his domestic nature and how he often got teased because of this. I also inferred from the conversation that Steve was a nice, open and unassuming person. When the meal was ready, Tola and I tucked into it at the dining area while Steve settled in on one of the love seats in the living room, still in sight of Tola and I so we could continue our gist.
I however noticed that Steve was extremely careless in the way he sat and at some point, I could’ve sworn I caught sight of something gaping out of one corner of his boxers. But I quickly reprimanded myself, reasoning that if there was truly any “evil” to see, Tola would also have been treated to the sight. Steve excused himself a few minutes, leaving Tola and I to ourselves for a while. Suddenly we heard a loud scream coming from the direction of the dressing room and one of the ladies ran out to the living room.
“Can you imagine what Steve just did?! He came into the room stark naked, saying that he felt like being in his ‘birthday suit’.” She had an expression of utter bewilderment on her face.
When I heard this, I looked around at everyone in the living room but from the expression on everyone’s face, they might as well not have heard what this screaming girl had just said. I immediately concluded that the babe must have been playing a prank and perhaps trying to gain some attention. Just then, Tola’s phone rang and she had to excuse herself to go answer the call, leaving me on my own for a while. As if on cue, Steve came back to the living room and sat with me while the other guests moved to the balcony to continue the party.
“I hope you enjoyed your meal”. He asked.
“Yes it was really nice. I should take some cooking lessons from you soon”. I smiled at him.
“That would be my absolute pleasure. You know what, I enjoy talking to you so much and I would really like us to be good friends. But the problem I often have is that a lot of people judge me because of who I am and I end up losing potential friends. I hope you won’t be one of them”. He had this intensely sincere look on his face.
“Of course I’d be happy to be your friend. Why do you think I would judge you?” I replied, wondering what exactly he was talking about.
“Does that mean you won’t judge me even if I told you something queer about myself?”
I then said to him with as much honesty as I could muster “I’m not in the habit of judging people based on who they are. I decide who my friends are based on their attitudes and behaviour towards me”.
I could see the relief on his face when I said this. He looked straight into my eyes and said “In that case, you won’t mind the fact that I’m a nudist?”
The first thing that went through my mind was “what’s that”?? The second thing was “this must be a big deal for this guy to think I would judge him based on that”. But he was still looking at me and expecting a response from me so I said the first thing that came to my mind. “Absolutely not!”
“I knew you wouldn’t mind! Now I can talk to you in a way that I can’t talk to many people. I always knew there was something about you”. The mega watt smile he bestowed on me was enough to melt even the coldest heart. How could I turn that smile upside down?
Of course at this time I didn’t know what being a nudist really meant but my primary concern was to put Steve at ease as much as possible because I could tell that he was a genuine sweetheart. Yeah I can be sweet like that sometimes. *angel face*.
From then on he proceeded to tell me how he was a member of a nudist club and he used to visit nudist beaches and had fellow nudist friends in the UK. He felt lonely here in Nigeria as the society was not as accepting of nudism as it was in the UK where he just relocated from. He also mentioned how he was very good with massages and that he normally gave some of his female friends full body massages without feeling anything, so much so that he was often the butt of the jokes amongst his friends who couldn’t understand how he could pull it off. He mentioned how he liked to walk around the house and do his chores naked as well as host nude dinners with some his nudist friends. He said he felt most comfortable naked and that he really couldn’t understand why people preferred to wear clothes rather than remain in their birthday suits. As if all this wasn’t too much information for my head to wrap around, he told me that in fact he felt like taking off his boxers at that moment, especially because I had expressed so much acceptance of him.
“Yikes!” I thought to myself. This was going much further than I thought o. In fact I began to understand why people freaked out whenever he told them about himself. I mean this was absolutely weird, and that’s even putting it mildly. But here I was, committed to being accepting of this guy who had staked his credibility for openness with me, and I wasn’t about to make him regret that. And yeah, then I still had this curiously adventurous side to me which is now almost non-existent anyway. So I told him to make himself comfortable. In a matter of seconds, he stood before me in the cloth-less vulnerability only your spouse, your parents and a few others should ever see you in. A part of me actually felt like I was dreaming. I averted my gaze but he would have none of it.
“Why aren’t you looking at me? Is my body repulsing you?” He asked in that sincere tone that was becoming all too familiar. Now everyone that knows me understand that I tend to fall for such cheap blackmails easily. I instantly willed myself to look at him, reassuring him that he was not in any way repulsive.
“So tell me, am I big, small or medium” he asked innocently.
Is this guy going to cut me some slack at all??? I mean, the situation was already super awkward. I didn’t need the extra burden of sharing my opinion on his manhood! Besides, what difference would my opinion make anyway? And for crying out loud, which guy stands naked in front of a woman he has only known for a couple of hours, asking for an assessment?! “You’re just ok” I replied, hiding my discomfiture.
Just then, Tola walked in and stopped dead in her tracks at the scene that greeted her. I looked at her and knew she was about to exclaim in shock or worse still, disgust. I quickly said the first thing that came to mind, because strange as this may sound, I genuinely did not want Steve’s feelings to be hurt.
“Hey Tola, Steve here was just asking my opinion on something and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind yours as well”. I threw her a cautioning look that told her I would explain everything to her soon.
“Oh really? Ok let’s see”. Tola replied. She had obviously gathered her composure and had improvised quickly. That’s one thing I’ve always admired about her. She moved closer to sit beside me. “Well, you’re quite big” she said in such a patronising tone that I almost laughed loud.
“Thank you” Steve said, obviously pleased. “You know what, there’s this trick I’d like to show you guys. I can make my manhood erect without touching it just by pumping blood into it. Would you guys like to see that?”
Goodness mia!!! Even typing this right now, I am embarrassed. I was about to tell him not to worry when Tola jumped in. “You can? Ok let’s see you do so”.
“Alright, watch me”. Steve was obviously getting really excited. I couldn’t help wondering just how many times he had tried to express himself in this way to people but had been shut down. He was like a caged bird that was having its first taste of freedom and wanted to go the entire nine yards in one day.
In a couple of seconds, I kid you not, Steve Jr. was standing majestically. Yeah, gross right? Imagine how I felt watching live that day. It took every shred of self control not to burst out laughing then tell him just how disgusted I felt.
“Now I am going to make it go down by itself” Steve said.
At this point, I didn’t think it could get any worse than it already had. Now all of this was happening in a house full of people o. There were people in the guest room, some others were outside but by some interesting twist of fate, no one but Tola, Steve and I were in the living room throughout this 5 minutes or so that Steve was naked. After Steve showed us his “tricks” he seemed contented enough to get dressed again. He then sat with us again and resumed conversation as though nothing had happened.
After talking for a while, he reiterated how he felt a strong connection towards me and hoped that he hadn’t ruined his chances at friendship and maybe something deeper with me. All I could think was “are you joking??? If you think I’d take you seriously after this, then you must be delusional”. I’m sorry, but I just don’t let people that I don’t understand into my space. Of course I didn’t say any of that to him. “No don’t worry, it’s fine”. I replied. And I meant it, as long as he wasn’t trying to be anything more than friends with me.
I could tell he was really glad because next he was inviting me over for a nude dinner. The dinner would basically consist of my coming over and then we’d cook, eat a candle-lit dinner, then give me a full body massage all the while naked!
I told him it was ok that we could work something out. We left his house shortly after and you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to guess correctly that that was the last time I ever saw him. Of course he would call me on phone and we would talk, but that was as far as it ever went until about two years ago when I lost his number. Every once in a while I still wonder about him and what he’s been up to. One thing I still marvel at though is the fact that Frank, who is Steve best friend, is also a lawyer, but not a nudist (at least to the best of my knowledge). That day at that party, I met professionals from different works of life, who were doing well but were obviously friends with Steve, a nudist. Such acceptance...
Funnily enough, I googled nudism (or naturism, as it’s popularly known) for the first time since that night only a few days back and the things I found out about the practice confirmed all he told me that night. You should check it out too.
As for me, all I can say is that strange things are happening but we’re probably too cocooned in our normal lives to realise the extent of abnormalities out there. I know someone will read this one day and almost chew my head off for being so arrogant for placing nudism in the realm of abnormal. Well, if you do not think it's abnormal, I’d be glad to hear you out o. And if you agree with me, let me know your thoughts. Perhaps I'm not the only person that has related with a nudist before...
dami luv,is this for real!i pray i never come across such person.still wondering if it is real.dami luv,is this for real!i pray i never come across such person.still wondering if it is real.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, it's a true story o. Sometimes when I think about it sef, I still wonder...
ReplyDeleteThis is a most interesting and witty narrative!
ReplyDeleteI could not help laughing at some point though your discomfort was evident from the lines.
You get liver o!
Wonders they say, will never end! :-)
Lest I forget, nudism (naturism) is one more absurdity on the earth. Hehehe, I think I still love my clothes!
Mehn, I'm happy you left the place intact. If you know what I mean.
ReplyDelete@Temiloluwa lol. True nudism is an absurdity which I hope doesn't spread like many other absurdities have. God help us.
ReplyDeleteQuite an engaging and revealing story. One couldn't have guessed what it was going to be about, what to expect as the story unfolded or how it would end. It reads well. At some point, I became scared of what might happen to you, scared for a reason I'll explain below.
ReplyDeleteI like the mature and smart way you handled the encounter. You must be bold or was it the cue you took from the distraught guest that ran into the living room earlier?
Man has made the world what it is today that we live in. And as much as I don't like to judge people, I have thought hard about this nudist phenomenon and if it's proponents or practitioners can have a place in our society as the gays do these days. Unfortunately, I don't think the answer is yes. They could only practice it in their closets or privacy, I guess. The time is not going to come when people can be seen walking around nude. That could pass millions of years ago, when man was "early". Such is the nature of the world we have defined as normal and sane to live in today.
In the early days, it didn't matter that man walked around nude. If history and evolution, as portrayed by the media is true, I believe there was a high level of savagery or wildness or primitive nature in man, compared with now, when things are more "civilised" . The reason I feared for you at some point is that, for someone who seemed to have retreated to embraced the spirit of the early man's days, of a brute, of a savage, a primitive, anything can be expected.
This sure is quite an encounter!
Cheers
Boluwaji Delaly