I can't remember the last time I felt this heart-broken about an issue that didn't concern me directly...
I have this friend, Joy (not her real name) who dated this guy Dave, (not his real name)for almost 6years. I mean these two were the perfect couple. I remember seeing them together back then in school and wondering how two people could be consistently inseparable for so long. Well, not only did they appear happy, Joy tells me Dave was the perfect romantic, loving, easy going boyfriend. And knowing my friend, Joy well enough as sharing similar qualities and values to Dave's, this was definitely a match made in heaven.
You can therefore imagine how shocked I was to open a blog site some days back and see Dave's picture beside that of another lady (whom I'll name Grace) with an article about what a romantic proposal Dave made to Grace! Gosh, I'm still reeling from the blow!
I immediately contacted Joy to find out what was going on and she told me Dave started acting distant 6months back and that by the following month,(5months ago), he'd broken up with her on the grounds that "he did not have peace" and he didn't think God was leading them to spend the rest of their lives together. Well, this would have made sense but for the series of events preceding and following their break-up.
Six months back, Dave came into town with the sole aim of spending time with Joy and meeting Joy's family formally. Joy was unable to meet him at the airport so Dave told her that he has this friend (Grace) who would pick him up and take him home and that he would call Joy as soon as he got home. He called her as promised and Joy went to his house and met Grace at Dave's. Grace was introduced to Joy as an old friend, they all chatted for a while before Grace left. Dave met with Joy's parents the following day. An interesting incident happened the very day after Dave met Joy's folks. He told Joy that he wanted to spend the day with his "friends" but guess who "friends" turned out to be? You're right, Grace; and I believe that was the beginning of the end for Dave and Joy. Dave spent a few more days in town and went back to his base some days later, and that was when he started acting distant. One excuse led to the other, the major being the fact that he was having issues with his business. Well, the next month came, and so did the break-up bombshell!
Now my question is, what sort of a God fearing man, would break up with a girlfriend of almost 6years on the grounds that "he wasn't at peace" and suddenly propose to someone else just 4 months later? One would've expected him to take another couple of years at least to make up his mind about another person right? And why come all the way to town to meet with Joy's parents if he already knew he wasn't "at peace"? Oh, and did I tell you it was Grace he proposed to? It doesn't make any sense. As you read this, poor Joy is trying to gather the pieces of her broken heart while Dave is basking in praises from the public for his "perfect proposal" to Grace. It doesn't matter whether he fell stark raving madly in love with someone else the very following day he broke up with Joy, if he had the simplest shred of respect for Joy, he should have waited a few more months before proposing to Grace.
I am shocked because if you meet Dave, you'll never believe him capable of such. I mean this dude is an epitome of sweet and saintly. But I guess regardless of how sweet and saintly a man is, when he's fed up, he truly is fed up.
My ladies, pls learn from this
The story you have shared is touching. It suddenly makes me remember a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. She says she needs a boyfriend but that the guy has to be God fearing. I asked her, what does that mean? How would you know if a guy fears God? Using Dave as an example, knowing who truly fears God and who's a snake in disguise can be a very daunting task....same thing applies to men too!
ReplyDeleteLovely write up Dami........but just a few points:
ReplyDelete- I think it was rather short for that kind of heading bearing in mind how interesting this kind of Topic gets among the two genders
- hence I think the heading may not best suit the story
- maybe more like " what has Joy done wrong?"
Anyways,its a very sensitive story and trust me very many pple are in that kind of situation. I don't know why stuffs like this happens but I bet many of us can relate to it.
Maybe you could delve further into the topic and let's see if there's any way we can get solutions so that less pple end up like Joy.
just my thots.
Kunle O
Hmmm...a couple of years to finally find love again?? i dont agree with u on that tho.
ReplyDeletewaiting a few more months wouldnt change the fact that he'd moved on and fallen in love with someone else whom he's now proposed to.
There's really no rule to this love thang.
oh well, there's still a lot of empty gaps in here cos i see ur talking based on what ur friend (Joy) told u and for me, that makes ur write-up too one-sided.
Truth is its hard to intervene in a relationship cos its the two people that really know wat happened. Wat caused Dave's lack of peace? did Joy really find out wat it was? Has she asked herself wat her own part was in making Dave leave,rather than blame Grace who jst seems like a friend that was in the mix and Dave finally decided to end up with her?
Also wen people hurt, they say things to obtain pity rather than deal wit the real issue. i feel like this story isnt complete
Too many gaps...
I just dey talk my own sha o..LOL!
Only God knows who's wife/husband is who and how this all works. I remember in the bible, Isaaac took his brother's Esau blessings and it didnt seem fair but it was God"s plan all along. Also Queen Vashti had a rite not to come out and dance naked for the king and she was banished, didnt seem fair but it was for Esther to come in and save the people of israel.
Now am goin spiritual...LOL!
Jst dat God knows how and why and every seeming change is not necessarily a bad thing. everyone including Joy has someting she needs to learn from this and i pray that Joy would find her own love and peace too soon.
PS: really i kinda feel like this is about ur friend, tink it shldnt be out here like this even wit the aliases.
it really wont solve that which has already happend. And people would jst give opinions that aint exactly right.
Jst saying.
well done, Dami. Nice blog
Hi, there's always two sides to a coin. Dave and Joy must have had some issues that were never expressed. There is no statute of limitation on how long to wait after a break up. So long as he isn't on a rebound. He did the right thing by breaking up wit her instead of marrying her and sneaking around behind her back!
ReplyDeletehi Dami, good post.
ReplyDeleteDave is a serious joker oh. You can imagine his nerve? stringing Joy along for 6 years and breaking up with her under the guise of not having peace. less than 6 month later he's already proposed to another female(Grace).
sorry to say this, but Grace is a disgrace to womanhood. she knew that Dave was involved with another lady, infact she knows this lady and yet she accepted a proposal from Dave. She should understand that what goes around comes around, she should expect the same from Dave oh.
Lastly both Dave and Grace should ask God for forgiveness. they should also ask Joy for forgiveness oh.
Am sorry but i totally disagree with the above comment. Ask joy for forgiveness that wetin happen?
ReplyDeleteDo u even kno the real reason why Dave had no peace and left Joy?
my friend, its not about how long but how well a relationship was.
Yes, it happened this way but abeg, things happen for a reason. Dave is not here to defend himself so we don't know wat really happened in those years.
Count 6yrs back, am sure they were dating while still in school and most of those relationships bak in university were usually built on wrong foundations and don't last wen everyone finally moves into the reality of life..and this seems like the case here to me.
I dated someone for 5 years while we were in school and i broke it up after we'd started working cos things, interests and values had changed. Make i come stay there kill myself becos 5 years don pass and am a woman sef?
Today am happily married for 2 years, with a kid,to our mutual friend, who i started dating about 4 months after we broke up and i am extremely happy. and he's also married to someone else and we are all good friends still. So i can absolutely relate to this story.
therefore hooking up with his friend is not a sin. she's obviously a close friend he's always known, dats why he could propose to her that quick.
so wat if Grace knows joy, dem tell u say make person no choose who he seems fit to marry regardless?
hey, everyone has the right to do wat's best for themselves, sounds selfish i know but a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
the obvious thing is Dave definately ended the first relationship and moved on..is that now a crime? remember this is just a summarised write-up. all the details aint here.
so dont judge joor..everyone has their own skeleton including Joy, who to me, can't be a saint either.
my advice to Joy...Move on, there are many great men out there. he's obviously not ur husband, that why this has happened. Learn from this relationship and look out for a better future.
as i read thru this blog, i realise now why i went thru wat i did those years ago, it was becos of a day like wen i can finally share my story with someone like Joy.
ReplyDeleteA very similar scenario like this happened to me..had been dating this guy for a couple of years and suddenly, some day he says he has no peace about us anymore and ended it somewat amicable and of cos, there was this close friend of his who had always been around him too.
U say Dave took 5 months to move on to someone else LOL!, mine started dating her within a week or two.
I felt so betrayed, thrown aside dat fast. I cried myself to sleep daily, kept prayin for God to come down and sweep away this "wicked" woman who had come to steal my man.
i prayed and i saw them grow stronger..i prayed, i saw them get engaged, i prayed and i saw them get married.Now they have 2 kids.
Funny enuf, throughout this period, we all remained friends, i never let my emotions or anger towards em show but i thot God wil return what i thot was mine.
Now i know better...People ave been placed in ur life by God, to achieve certain purposes and just as there are seasons in life, people are also around u for a season, a reason or for a lifetime. And when summer,for example, ends, IT ENDS...no matter how bad we want it to continue. i realise now that i was in his life just for a season, she was in his for a lifetime.
When a lifetime moment comes, it doesnt ave to take years for ppl to date and marry. You just know that this is IT...the real deal. Trust me i know dis cos when my own lifetime moment came, it only took months and Now am also engaged to the bestest man in the world, getting married this year and i look back and laugh at myself, for thinking he was IT, not knowing God had my own husband waiting for me.
For me, i would say to Joy, its a new season for u. God has certainly ended that cos it has achieved its purpose in both of ur lives.
Dave and Grace are now livin their lives, u live yours
Kill bitterness and anger and like a child open up ur arms and heart to God, let him soothe ur heart and heal ur pains and he will definately send the real one your way.
Someday u'll understand wat am saying now.
God will bring ur lifetime moment sooner than you think. God sees you and loves you.
am so glad i could finally share this with someone.
God bless everyone
Hey guys. Sorry I'm going to have to pull down this post because it's spurring too much controversy. Not to worry I have a worthy replacement. Thanks all.
ReplyDelete