As I sat in my room that cool Saturday morning, I couldn't but wonder about myself. That was one period of my life I wasn't proud of the state of my relationships. Yes, there're seasons when I just don't seem able to get along with ANYONE except perhaps a few people who have decided to be my friends no matter what. Those are the periods of my life when I allow my job or project at hand to get the better of me, to the detriment of everything else. At such times, I'm extremely quick tempered, ridiculously irritable, overly independent, easily distracted and utterly negligent of even my own well being!
One question I have often ask myself is "why am I the way I am? Why do I have such lofty dreams? Why do I have my hand in so many pies?" I have often told people jokingly that I am one of the most driven ladies I have ever met. Maybe it's because I often succeed in all I set out to do. Of course I've had my fair share of failures. But is life really all about drive and passion for success? At what point do you draw the line between pursuing your dreams and sacrificing your relationships on the altar of self actualization?
Well, the answer is simple, it's all about your definition of success. To some, success is building a stable family; to others, their success is measured by their bank accounts balances; yet some see success as embarking on projects that will outlive their names. One thing is for sure though, our nature has a bigger role to play in our definition of success than many of us realize...
The theory of temperaments has classified people into four broad personality categories. The first is the Dominant Director also known as Mr. Choleric whose hallmark is "just get it done". He is usually very bossy, extremely driven, opinionated and usually gets the job done, whatever it takes. Next is the Compliant Controller, also known as Mr. Phlegmatic whose hallmark is "let's all get along". He is usually an easy going, witty person who works well under pressure and is often gets along with everyone. Then we have the Steady Supporter also known as Mr. Melancholic whose hallmark is "do it the right way". He pays attention to details, is extremely intelligent, often reserved, and is amazingly generous. Last but not least is the Influencing Relator, also known as Mr. Sanguine, whose hallmark is "let's do it the fun way". He is very fun loving, friendly, loves and is loved by the spotlight.
The Steady Supporter, because of his self sacrificial nature, would likely define success as becoming a platform for other peoples' success. He is the most likely to start foundations and NGO's giving support to the needy. The Dominant Director's definition of success, because of his need to be achiever, would likely be to become an internationally respected person in his chosen field of endeavor. The Influencing Relator, because of his love for attention, would likely define success as being in the spotlight and gaining international popularity. While the Compliant Controller, because of his love for peace and stability, will likely define success as raising a stable family that will be a model for the society.
Such is the balance of nature. We can't all be the same or want the same things from life. So the next time I found myself wondering why i don't want the same things from life as the next person, I remembered that I was not motivated by the same needs. Well, this isn't about finding excuses for my short-comings, but about understanding my innate psychological make-up in order to find solutions to those behavioral tendencies even I agree need to be checked. And boy, is it working!
Hope this piece helps you do the same for yourself. Xoxo
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